Rough Week

Tracy’s writing a blog post?! What?! (Tracy’s talking in the third person?! Okay- I need to stop, I am tired. Bear with me…)

So it is has been a while since I last posted on here. A long while… It’s been a busy year! And I have just been doing well. Living life and being a happy kid (some may say I am an adult now. Those people are mean). And honestly, I always have lots to say, but I don’t know what my blog readers care to read about (I do take request J if there are any of you still out there…)!

But here is where I am at with life, I work in public accounting at one of the “Big Four” accounting firms. Living the nerd life is fine. I am a tax accountant, so I am working an absurd amount of hours, but I handle it well. I sort of thrive in this environment, but I do missing getting to cook, grocery shop, see my family and friends, etc…

I have lived the last couple years in a normal place with food, exercise, etc. I eat mostly intuitive, sometimes I count macros, but never too intensely. Sometimes I am good about having a workout routine and sometimes that routine slips away. I have had a few injuries that were set-backs, but nothing I haven’t bounced back from. Life has been good.

But for the five or so years before, as those who have read my blog in the past probably know, I struggled with pretty bad eating and body image issues. There was no such thing as a day where I didn’t think about exactly how many calories I ate or how big my thighs were or how flat my stomach was—most of you reading are probably reading because you have been through the same. Anyways, those things don’t usually affect me anymore.

Do you see where this is going now? You guessed it! Those feelings (probably best described here) kind of started to inch back into my life this week. And it is unsettling.

Earlier this week I came down with a stomach bug that left me unable to eat on Monday and since then my appetite has been gone. I don’t know if my metabolism is just that fast or what it was- but pants that were form-fitting last week, felt loose today (because I have not ate much at all). And I was pleased. Which is the reaction I have worked two years to move away from.

I am exhausted, I was at the office 18.5 hours yesterday and will be here about the same amount of time today. My positivity defenses are down. And those old, horribly self-deprecating thoughts are jumping back in.

Now all that being said- why am I writing all this to the public? Well frankly, because I have NO idea who to talk to about it. I am at work and know I need to get all this off my chest and really I need to hold myself accountable.

I will never let that stuff get the best of me again, but I am still human and right now I am certainly struggling. I kind of suck at my job, but I am new and I will get better. I am having very negative body image thoughts, but fuck that- I am awesome and will eat a pizookie tomorrow and a donut on Saturday and those stupid pants will be form-fitting again next week J

Moral of the story (because I feel like I need one for the MOST scatter-brained post ever)—if you read all this, you are awesome. I seriously feel so much better just having typed all these feelings out for everyone (or no one) to read. I hope you have a SPECTACULAR Friday and a rockin’, donut-filled weekend!

 

 

Post-initial-writing edit: OH MY GOODNESS I just looked at my last post and the picture I posted with it… I laughed out loud. I am the absolute worst selfie-taker on the planet. If you need a laugh, feel free to look at it and laugh at me with me.

It’s Better on the Other Side

I can’t tell you how to get better. Whatever it is that’s holding you back, I can’t tell you how to overcome it. I can’t convince you to stop your unhealthy habits- that’s all is up to you. What I can tell you- is no matter how hopeless your situation seems or how much it just doesn’t seem worth the trouble to “get better”—it is better on the other side.

That being said her is a little recap of my past couple of years:

I am naturally thin but my weight has gone through a 25-pound yo-yo since I was 16. The lows and the high within that range were usually when I had some pretty unhealthy habits.

[October 2012] Almost two years ago, I hurt my knee and without running and other high-intensity cardio, I snapped. It was not just my inability to run though—it was that I felt lost. I had friends and a job and I have a great family. But I did not like who I was. I have always disliked little parts about myself (sometimes I disliked myself more than other times), but something in me just boiled over and everyday I began to loathe myself more and more.

I started to become obsessed with getting smaller. I began to crave the feeling of hunger, it was like some challenge that kept me engaged in my life and before I knew it I had dropped down to the size I was when I was 14/15 (I was 19 at the time).

I knew what I was doing was wrong, but part of me just didn’t care. Part of me was proud of how I could shut up my voice of reason for the sake of being skinnier.

People say that this kind of obsession is about being able to control something in your life, but I think its the opposite—its about surrendering control of your life to an evil little voice in your head. I think because I always felt like I had to be in control that I just wanted something else to “take the wheel” for a while.

I relinquished my emotions- I smiled, but I wasn’t happy. Bad things would happen, but I Wasn’t fully sad. I was kind of just numb.

[January 2013] I got to a point where it is not an even a debate of “should I eat this”, because that voice had already told me “no.”

I remember not wanting to gain control back over my health and happiness because it was so much easier being wrapped up in the sick numbers game of “how low can you go.”

[May 2013] But then there was the “bright light” in my life (here I get a bit cheesey)—my boyfriend. I had been dating him for few months and began to fall for him more and more. He made me feel like there was so reason to care. I didn’t want him to worry about me not eating enough or not being able to enjoy the little things like splitting a sundae.

I started to see that there was to life than being numb to the world. Did I really want to be so cold all the time? Did I really want to have inverted boobs? Was I really okay with letting my body waste away?

I wanted to be happy. I was with someone who actually made me forget about the little voice in my head and I was ready to take advantage of that.

[October 2013] Skip to last October, I had gained some of my weight back and was starting to get a little bit healthier physically and was starting to gain more control mentally. I found all these girls on instagram who had changed their life for the better by restoring their metabolism through reverse dieting. They all seemed so happy and I wanted to be like them. But I was scared. I did not lift weights, I ran. And Lord knows I was not comfortable with eating more than 1500 calories a day (still an enormous leap from my 600 calorie days). I tore three muscles in my right quad and decided that was a sign to turn to weight lifting and to begin my reverse diet.

[December 2013] The first couple months were a struggle, but around Christmas time it hit me—I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with memories of how I dreaded holidays because I had to avoid all the food and questions from my family. That is not how you make good memories. And starting that Christmas, I started to feel free.

[February 2014] I stopped counting macros in February. I made the conscious decision to focus on all the wonderful things in my life. Sometimes I would still stress about hitting my untracked macros and some days I would track again- but it slowly became less and less important to me.

[October 2014] In the last 8 months I have changed my workout routine more times than I can count. Sometimes I work out a lot and sometimes I workout a little.

I no longer fit in the same clothes I did when I was in high school, but I am okay with that because I am happier and healthier than ever.

I realized there are so many wonderful things in life and there is no way I am going to let a voice diminish all the wonderful experiences I will have.

I know I could never let a voice of negativity take over my life again and that is a feeling of happiness and a freedom that I wish anyone who feels trapped in an emotional, or otherwise negative, situation could feel.

If you feel you aren’t worth the change for the better- trust me you are.

If you think it isn’t worth the fight for your happiness- it is.

We all struggle through things, but it is through those struggles that we can appreciate the greatest happiness.

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.”

image-3

I gained my life back.

In the last year I have gained about 20 pounds and several pant sizes. And I am proud of it. When I tell people how much I have gained, they usually say something like, “Oh- but you are still skinny!” or “Don’t worry, you still look good!” What they don’t realize is I know I look good and I know I look and feel better!

Image

Here I was on April 29th, 2013, just a few pounds above my lowest weight and I was trying on a bathing suit at Target. I thought I looked fat. The bandaid on my arm is from donating blood a few days prior. They took my ½ the blood they normally would have because of how thin I looked. And even with them only taking half the blood, it took so much out of me that I nearly passed out and had to go to sleep at 7 that night because I felt so sick and tired. What else would you expect when eating significantly less than 1000 calories a day?

My rib cage stuck out without me sucking in. My lower tummy popped, not because of a food baby, but because of lack of nourishment. My skin clung to my shoulder blades and collarbones. There was no muscle, no color to my skin—I was wasting away. This is the most revealing picture I have of me near my low weight and I hate seeing it, but it also reminds me of everything outside of the number on the scale that I have gained.

Now here I am today:

Image

I have gained 20 pounds, but I have also gained confidence, a butt, boobs, my health, my happiness, my life back. I no longer walk around looking like a ghost. I no longer look in the mirror and see nothing but flaws. In fact, I am starting to really like what I see! Despite the areas that have more fat or when I have a food baby (which I proudly rocked this morning after all my post-graduation burgers and Sprinkles cupcakes)—I know I can flex and feel strong. I really am proud of who I have become. I feel like I am myself again. It has been years since I felt this happy. And it all happened because I decided I was no longer going to teeter between healthy and skinny. I fully dedicated myself to being positive and eating enough to fully sustain and nourish my body. I have never looked back. My progress over the last year has taught me I can never give up. Anything is possible with the right mindset! Love yourself and believe in all the things you can achieve and great things will happen.

Image

Chai Spiced Cinnamon Roll French Toast

No I am not kidding. Yes it is a thing. And it is healthy. And it is perfect. It will take you a lot of time. It is worth it.

Image

Dough

¼ c water

¼ c unsweetened vanilla almond milk (or go bold with some coconut milk)

3 tbsp sugar free maple syrup (or agave nectar or regular maple syrup or honey)

a few dashes of sea salt

1 (¼ oz packet) yeast (about 2 ¼ tsp)

1 tbsp butter substitute (I use Smart Balance light with flaxseed OR for a coconut theme go for coconut oil), melted and cooled to room temperature

1 large egg, room temperature (or to make it vegan, a vegan substitute should be fine)

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 tsp maple extract

½ tsp of almond extract (or if you are koo-koo for COCOnut then use 1 tsp of coconut extract)

2 c whole wheat pastry flour, plus (quite a bit) extra for kneading

Filling

½ tbsp butter substitute (once again I use Smart Balance light with flaxseed or coconut oil), melted

¼ c sugar free maple syrup

1(ish) tbsp ground cinnamon

 

French Toast Coating:

½ cup of egg whites (or two eggs)

¾ cup of unsweetened vanilla almond milk

¼ T of vanilla extract

¼ T of extract of choice (almond, maple, or coconut)

½ – 1 T of chai mix (for the recipe I used, click here)

 

Le Steps:

 

  1. To prepare the dough, combine the water, milk, maple syrup, and salt in a large microwave-safe bowl. Microwave on HIGH for 40 seconds or until warmed (about 100-110°F, make sure it is warm enough).
  2. Wisk in the yeast, and let the mixture sit for 10-15 minutes until frothy (this is a word the original recipe used but I witnessed no frothiness, maybe I just didn’t warm the mixture enough).
  3. Wisk in the butter substitute, egg, vanilla, maple, and almond extracts. With a wooden spoon, stir in ½ cup of the whole-wheat pastry flour at a time until the dough begins to pull away from the sides of the bowl. (It took mine about a cup and a half)
  4. NOW LET THE KNEADING BEGIN (I hope you have strong hands because this takes a while): I kneaded the dough in the bowl because I have a large nonstick bowl, if you don’t then knead the dough on a well-floured surface. Continue adding dough (slowly) while kneading until the dough stops absorbing the flour and the dough springs up lightly when pressed you’re your finger. This took me 10-15 minutes.
  5. Shape the dough into a ball. If you kneaded the dough on a floured surface, the coat a clean, dry bowl with nonstick cooking spray, and roll the dough ball around inside until completely coated. Place a clean, dry towel over the top, and leave the bowl in a warm draft-free spot to rise for 1 hour, or until doubled in size.
  6. Roll out into a 15” wide by 10” tall rectangle on a nonstick surface (to achieve this, I floured a thin, flat towel). Brush the surface with the melted butter, leaving a 1” border on the two longer edges. Whisk together the maple syrup and cinnamon, and brush on top of the melted butter, still leaving a 1” border on the two longer edges. Carefully roll the dough into a log, starting at one of the longer edges and rolling towards the other longer edge. Refrigerate the log for 20 minutes.
  7. Lightly coat two 9” or 10” round baking pan with tall edges with nonstick cooking spray. Drizzle some additional maple syrup and cinnamon on the bottom of the pans. Using unscented dental floss (DO NOT USE A KNIFE- I didn’t have unscented floss so I literally used mint floss that I cleaned the mint off of), slice the log into 10-12 (I like mini cinnamon rolls so I think I made 14) equal rounds. Drape a clean, dry towel over the top, and place in a warm draft-free spot to rise for 60 minutes or until doubled in size.
  8. Preheat the oven to 350°F. Once the cinnamon rolls have risen, drizzle with MORE maple syrup and cinnamon, and bake for 14-18 (if you make them small, they require less cooking time) minutes, or until the top feel firm to the touch. Cool in the pan for at least 10 minutes before serving (unless you are French toast-ifying it, then read on)
  9. Let the cinnamon rolls cool completely in a shallow bowl, compine all the “French toast coating” ingredients.
  10. Cut a few cinnamon rolls in half and dip both sides in the coating.
  11. Place the cinnamon rolls onto a heated (and cooking spray coated) pan (I cooked mine on just higher than medium heat)
  12. (optional) To give them additional crispiness, bake them in the over at 450 F for a couple minutes
  13. top with whatever pleases you and enjoy!!

 

For the inspiration for this recipe, click here.

If you are lazy, just use bread and the glorious french toast mix. If you hate french toast (weirdo), but love chai then replace the cinnamon in the cinnamon roll recipe with chai mix! This recipe is versatile- I gave it underlying almond flavor, but you can also give caramel or coconut flavors and it should turn out really tasty too!

 

Building Foundations

“I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.”

I posted about the importance of healthy foundations on my instagram a few days ago, but I feel the need to expand and emphasize exactly how important it has been for me to create a solid foundation on which to live your life.

Our foundations will all be created in different ways, but our foundations are what can stabilize us in the most critical conditions. The stronger you build your foundations, the more you can withstand. Never neglect your foundations, when times are good focus on strengthening yourself (body and mind alike) because that will contribute to those foundations.

Last year, I neglected all the positive things in my life and focused on all that was negative and as a result I let my foundations kind of crumble down, so when additional challenges were added to my schedule I sort of fell through the cracks (more so than I ever had before). Climbing out from that mindset was one of the hardest things I have ever done. My mentality caused me physical pain and suffering because I classified everything in the wrong way (for my post on how I try to reclassify my struggles click here).

The past three months have been a full dedication to being truly happy and healthy and focusing on all the blessings in my life. The combination of eating a healthy amount, working out to get stronger (not to get skinnier), smiling more (and meaning it), and taking time to look around and be thankful for all the positivity that I am surrounded by (everything from people to weather, my puppies to my education) have resulted in the strongest foundation I have ever built.

Exactly what does this mean for me? It means that when I spent all of my spring break working then got the news that I was missing two classes I needed to graduate this May—I didn’t panic (well not for long). I did everything I could to remain calm and find a solution. Did I handle it perfectly? No. But did I let it break me? Definitely not!

Now I am: enrolled in 21 credit hours (including one Master’s level course), completing my thesis, organizing a student leadership day for junior high student, working 5 days a week (I take two days off because I am at school from 7:30-5:35 on those days), and dealing with the never ending stream of tests, case studies, and miscellaneous other responsibilities. I am lucky to workout three times in a week.  But- I am still eating over 2000 (mostly very healthy) calories a day. I am still staying positive. My body is hardly changing. And I know that when my schedule opens up, I will get to go back to my beloved workout routine.

Until then, I am resting easy on my strong foundations.

 

 

My Trip to Banana Island

My Trip to Banana Island

Recently I decided to visit “banana island.” For those of you who don’t know what that means I will do my best to explain: essentially you eat nothing but bananas for an extended period of days. You eat 22-30+ bananas a day to ensure you are eating an adequate amount of calories

It is a considered a healthy detox. I did it for that exact reason- I had been eating a lot of “bad” foods recently and my stomach was certainly feeling the negative effects of it (you reap what you sow, right?). I wanted to cleanse my body of all the toxins I had been consuming. Detoxing has always fascinated me, but with my history with restrictive eating habits, I decided it was best to avoid them while I was trying to restore my metabolism. I am doing remarkably better now and I knew I was ready to try a detox again!

I first heard about mono fruit islands or banana islands a few months ago and I was BEYOND skeptical. Nothing but bananas?! That sounded like a terrible idea. All that sugar would make my skin breakout, right?! And all the starch in the bananas would back up my system, right?!

Well I was wrong as it turns out. After reading just about every blog and article on mono fruit islands/ banana islands and watching all the videos youtube had to offer- I learned that the pros outweighed the cons and I was ready to begin.

One of the key aspects of a banana island is ensuring that the bananas are ripe (ripe bananas are far less starchy and much easier to digest and according to a recent research study, ripe bananas with dark spots combats abnormal cells that cause cancer). I bought my case (that’s right case) of bananas last Friday in order to start my island on Sunday. I knew I wasn’t ready to do my banana island for more than 3-4 days, so I only bought one case of bananas (my bananas were nearly all green so I threw apples in the case with them to speed up the ripening process).

Day 1:

I knew I wanted to eat as I normally would (calorie-wise), so I ate about 5 bananas for breakfast. Some of them I ate whole and a few I ate in smoothie form. Then I went to do a lifting session and I admit, I felt very weak. I completed the lifting session, but wasn’t quite up for running after. By the late afternoon, I was craving anything but bananas! I was struggling because bananas (particularly ripe bananas) are far too sweet for my liking. I decided to try “nice cream” for dinner, so I froze a few bananas. I admit, I added unsweetened cocoa powder because the sweetness was getting to be too much for me. Nice cream made the whole experience a lot more enjoyable and I went to bed ready for day 2.

Day 2:

Day 2 was a lot easier. I had whole bananas for breakfast and my snacks and nice cream for lunch and dinner. I ran 5 miles at a fairly normal (quick) pace for me, but once again I felt a little bit weak.

Day 3:

Once again, day 3 passed normally. I was ready and prepared to run, but I was very exhausted from work and some personal stuff so I skipped my run to work on my thesis.

Day 4:

I decided to transition into other foods again because, frankly, I was kind of over the detox.

My opinions of the detox:

It did what I wanted it to, but not all that I expected it to. From all that I read, I expected more energy to keep up with my normal exercise routine, but I suppose I neglected to consider how intense my normal workouts are and I should have resorted to long walks and yoga (not heavy weights and speed runs). My stomach feels better, so the job was done.

I think I will do the detox again and it was definitely my favorite detox I have ever done. It is much more manageable than other detoxes and not restrictive. In fact, next time I hope to do it for a week!

Let me be clear, I DID NOT do this for weight loss and the only physical change I noticed as a result of the weight loss was significantly less bloat (especially noticeable in the stomach and joint areas).

If you want to complete a banana island:

DO your research.

DO NOT do it to lose weight.

DO plan ahead.

DO NOT under-eat while doing the banana island.

DO sleep plenty during your detox.

DO NOT try a banana island if you are in the early stages of recovery from an eating disorder. It could lead you to fall into restrictive habits or binge.

As always, I am sure I forgot plenty of things that I could talk about so please ask any questions you may have and I will do my best to answer them!

Resources:

http://www.rawsomehealthy.com/bananaisland/

http://www.thegreencreator.com/banana-island-detox-without-hunger/

image-1 image-2 image

20140312-195216.jpg

Reclassifying

“If you see the world and yourself through a lens smudged by negativity then you’ll find much misery. If you look outwards and inwards through lens brightened by positivity you’ll find much to be happy and appreciative about.”

I haven’t written in a while and I regret that, but life caught up with me and sadly I didn’t have time to post anything.

A few little updates before I reveal my revelation. I started intuitive eating on February 1st and have found it remarkably freeing. It causes me anxiety often and I do keep a slight mental count of what I am consuming, but all in all it is nice not having to record everything. It feels like I am sort of feeling “normal” again.

I have also gotten so busy with school, work, and the organization I volunteer with that time to workout has all but disappeared. I still plank for at least 5 minutes a day with a 5 minute bridge hold, but instead of having the goal to workout for at least 90 minutes 6 times a week, my goal is to workout for 60 minutes 4 times a week.

Through all of my chaos I have had a revelation (REVELATION TIME!!):

I (and this goes for you all as well) am in control of me. I have thought this before, but I don’t think I really understood or practiced that control to its full extent.

I still freak out sometimes about silly things. For instance, I nearly had a panic attack because I ate an entire banana with my Greek yogurt after my weight workout and I didn’t go for my run. A voice in my head told me I didn’t deserve the banana because I didn’t run. How silly does that sound?! I mean it’s a little banana for goodness sakes! Its good for me!

I vocalized why I had gotten so anxious (and was crying) all of a sudden to my boyfriend and before he could even say anything—I started laughing. I was essentially crying over a banana. And I know that the reason I was able to get so upset over a banana goes so much further than the fruit itself, but in that moment, all of the mean thoughts that have plagued me for so long just seemed so menial—laughable really.

I am not saying that those issues with food and body image are a joke, but I am saying that we can reclassify the negatives. We do not have to give in to an irrational voice that wants nothing more than to harm us.

Rather than letting those negative thoughts control us, laugh at them, fight and force them out with positivity.

There was a time when that banana would’ve ruined my day, but after giving it a good laugh, I had a near-perfect evening. So I challenge you to reclassify the rough stuff:

Why see going out to eat as something scary? Reclassify it as an opportunity to enjoy time with the ones you love (or if you are like me, as a time to catch up with a good read).

Why dread working out? Reclassify it as something to make you feel your best and become a stronger person.

Why stress over school or work? Reclassify is a chance to learn and better yourself through hard work.

I know these types of things are easier said than done, but positivity is always worth a try and you may just realize how much more you enjoy life when you turn the negatives into positives. After my first round of tests this semester, I realized exactly how real the power of positivity was. I didn’t let myself get overly stressed out and I lived in the moment of my studying rather than let myself become overcome with anxiety. I was more productive and far happier. 

I love feeling like, though I can’t control the stressors in my life, I can control the stress I feel. I handle things as they come and know that the only things that define me and my happiness are the thing I let control me and my happiness. So take a deep breath and trying looking at the world through a positive lens.

“Get going. Move forward. Aim High. Plan a takeoff. Don’t just sit on the runway and hope someone will come along and push the airplane. It simply won’t happen. Change your attitude and gain some altitude. Believe me, you’ll love it up here.”

The Perfect Weekend.

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

This weekend was so perfect it didn’t seem real. I took three days in a row off of work. I killed my Friday back workout.  I took Saturday as a much needed rest day. I destroyed legs on Sunday. I didn’t count macros. I ate healthy and not-so-healthy foods that I love and I am positive I met or exceeded my calorie goal of 2200.

I spent the entire weekend with my boyfriend (we didn’t get much time to relax together over Christmas break because he was busy studying for his CPA exam): we watched movies, went Costco sampling, had a party with friends, ate pizookies, went to incredible restaurants, and just RELAXED— a serious fairytale weekend.

I didn’t worry about if I was eating too much or too little. I didn’t care about if I looked “fat.” I was so far from self-conscious. I was simply comfortable with myself in the moment.

There is so much more to life than an obsession with size, weight, calories, and how much one can exercise. I love to workout. I really do, but when I don’t take to take the pressure our of working out—I begin to hate it. Last weekend I was dreading my workouts because I went too long without a rest day. I was working out because I felt like I had to and not because it was something I wanted to do. Since my rest day, I can honestly say I ENJOYED my workouts.

My point is life is about LIVING. Take time to enjoy the little things and spend time with the ones you love. Take time to focus on yourself sometimes and be sure to live in the present. 

A Day without Numbers

Yesterday, after my pre-breakfast snack, I spontaneously decided to not count my macros and just eat intuitively (no I have not read the book on intuitive eating, however, I do want to). I wanted to reassure myself that all my progress wasn’t based on a little app that tracks everything I eat and the goal macro percentages that I want to hit. I was not trying it out to stop counting, because I still have not reached my goal amount of calories (2400 a day), I just wanted to know how I would feel on a day without counting.

Well I felt:

  • anxious
  • excited
  • afraid
  • proud
  • gluttonous
  • lazy (in a relaxed sort of way– the good lazy)
  • mad
  • happy

I could go on, but you get the point. Yesterday was weird for me, but nothing I couldn’t handle.

I ate a breakfast that was nearly twice as big as I usually eat, but I didn’t have a morning snack. My afternoon was fairly normal- lunch was roughly the same as usual and I had a couple snacks like I usually do. I definitely splurged at dinner when I went to one of my favorite restaurants, Cornish Pasty Co., with my boyfriend and his family. I seriously don’t know how to describe exactly what it is that I got without taking people there, but I will do my best. It is essentially a gourmet hot pocket. It is a flakey pastry (not sweet, almost croissant like) filled with a whole assortmant of different foods. There are “pasties” such as: tikka misala, portobello chicken, Greek, Italian, or my personal favorite, “The Pilgrim.”  Mine is essentially Thanksgiving dinner wrapped up in a pastry. Here is a picture of the item I got:

 Image

Not healthy, totally unknown calories, 100% enjoyable. I can safely say, I don’t regret one bite (and trust me, I ate it all).

I usually do everything in my power to avoid the place because I get anxious about all the unknown calories in the food. But I didn’t last night and I don’t plan on avoiding it anymore. It doesn’t mean I will have it all the time, but life is far too short to intentionally neglect eating the things we love, all the time. 

The rest of my evening was fairly low key: I went to the gym (and did a slightly shorter workout than usual), had my proyo and an apple, hung out with friends and drank a beer (gasp!), munched on a few goldfish because I was hungry, and went to bed.

I woke up this morning and the only thing different about me or my body was the twinge more confidence I have, knowing I can safely say I am no longer a slave to the calories.