If you follow my Instagram, you may notice something missing from it lately- pictures of myself. I have been in a bit of a rut lately. I have bogged down by a busy school schedule, back-to-back-to-back injuries that prevent me from running or doing leg workouts, and now I have been sick for nearly two weeks. I may just be making excuses. I honestly can’t tell. My anxiety has been at an all-time high and I cannot seem to identify the source. Nevertheless, my body seems to be aware of the rut and now whenever I look in the mirror I just think- “meh.”
But I know I can’t do this to myself! I need to step back and do some re-evaluating and I seem to do that best in the form of a blog post because I feel the need to be as honest as possible on here.
I live an extremely blessed life. I am doing well in my master’s program because the material is just coming easier to me than any school material has in years. I have an incredibly supportive family and boyfriend. I have a job waiting for me when I graduate. And yes, I have had some unfortunate circumstances regarding my physical health recently, but it isn’t anything permanent and although I am not pleased with my body, it still by no means looks bad. I have not gone back to any restrictive eating habits (even though in all honesty I have thought about it), in fact I even conquered a food fear I did not realize I still had—2% milk.
Do you ever think about how we strive to improve and then slip into a comfortable habit once we have seen a noticeable difference? Well that little realization smacked me flat in the face when I was at Starbucks last week and ordered a nonfat latte only to hear, “We are out of skim milk—is 2% okay?”
I froze. Anxiety flooded over me. You would think someone just stripped me of my clothes and asked me, “You are going to have to run across campus naked to get your clothes back—is that okay?” All this over MILK. Really?! After a several second pause where I considered just walking away, I finally said that 2% was just fine.
I sat waiting for my latte and realized I hadn’t had 2% milk since junior high. Not in a milkshake or coffee drink. Nothing. Unless it was unknowingly baked into something, I hadn’t drunk it. I began to feel a bit proud of myself because there was a time when I would have walked away, but instead I just accepted it and moved on. I know the whole ordeal was silly, but it was yet another reminder that is always important to strive to better yourself and take time to reevaluate where you stand.
The point is I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and entirely appreciate of the beautiful things that surround me. So here’s to going out there, living life to the fullest, and celebrating the little victories!